May 2009
32 posts
it was time, to say goodbye.
since he wants to assume stuff like, i don’t need him. or i don’t want him. or what not. i’ll somewhat try to move on. i mean, i know i’ll always have feelings for him. but i’ll try to just stay away from him and avoid talking to him or whatever. goodbye, tumblr. last post. but no, i won’t delete all the “i love you” texts in my inbox on my old phone...
fuck it, and fuck you too!
i’m not sure if i should blog about how i’m feeling. to sum it up - i’m materially satisfied. two phones, and a new camera. i need to catch up on school work. i’ve been sluffin ever since i got back from florida. emily’s still looking for an apartment for her and i to live in. all this stuff with guys? blog about them later. with aj? it’s most likely officially...
“The only reason I hate you now is because I loved you then.”
– via: I wrote this for you (via kari-shma) (via restartmyheart) (via enamour)
breaking down, 1:10am
and it’s suddenly just got to me. i thought i was out of tears. for the past times, i’ve cried were what this last break up was for. figures, i was wrong. cos here i am, crying my eyes out once again. i knoe numerous people are suspecting why i haven’t written a blog posts about aj yet? a very long one.. well, i can’t. right now. i need time. there’s so much to be...
“he was my first love, and always will be.”
– 1132009 - 5152009
prinncesxd: you do this all the time, don't you?
prinncesxd: thanks for not breaking up with me properly.
prinncesxd: wait here, i'll do it. since you never wanted to talk things out anyways
prinncesxd: it's over.
prinncesxd: oh hey, doesn't that make you feel a whole lot bettter?
prinncesxd: i hope youre relieved.
krackin95: Well your shit said swinger. So mind as well do the same thing
krackin95: Like you would care.
prinncesxd: Okay, well exuse me for coming up to during lunch and try to talk to you for the past two days
krackin95: I can for sure tell that your over me
prinncesxd: wow, you assume a lot of shit.
krackin95: It's true
prinncesxd: and how would you know?
krackin95: Cos you go meet some other guy I don't know about and hug him?
prinncesxd: i TRIED talking things out with you. do you not understand that i WANTED things to get better.
krackin95: Well to late for that now.
prinncesxd: you act like we don't even go out. it was useless. and you KNOW it
prinncesxd: didn't*
krackin95: Didn't I tell you I needed space?
krackin95: You were the one that kept assuming that I wanted to break up with you
prinncesxd: oh, yeah. cos i didn't read your comments to roseann saying " If she keeps doing these sort of things, then I’m leaving and never coming back again. Even if it’s going to hurt."
prinncesxd: you partially left before today, what was the point of staying?
krackin95: Fine whatever
krackin95: I was just a jerk and a game
prinncesxd: ?
krackin95: You hate me now, I get it.
prinncesxd: you think i hate you?
prinncesxd: honestly, i still love you. and i probably will for a bit longer more.
krackin95: Yes I do think you hate me.
prinncesxd: wow.. i absolutely disagree.
prinncesxd: if i did, i wouldn't have tried talking to you AGAIN today at lunch.
krackin95: I still love you. But this thing won't work out at all.
prinncesxd: i know, it won't.
prinncesxd: it rarely did, and when it did it wasn't for long.
krackin95: I know.
krackin95: But now since that your gone, I'll have to deal with you talking to other guys and hugging them.
krackin95: I'll just fade into the background
krackin95: I know that youre tired of all my bullshit.
prinncesxd: hm, sure. well i might as well tell you, what i was going to say if i replied to your message last night; "most of the shit is true, and i'm not going to disagree. i know you'll be there for me. cos i'll be there for you too.you won't be an aquaintance. you'll always be more. after our relationship, everything's changed. and i'm also sorry for all that shit i pulled on you."
prinncesxd: and everything else that i've said in the past, hasn't changed.
krackin95: I didn't let you have freedom.I was to over protective. The only reason I was like this is cos I was scared of losing you..
prinncesxd: It's fine, i did the same to you anyways.
krackin95: But now I've lost you,and it's to late to take you back cos your heart is falling into somebodys elses arms.
prinncesxd: HAHAHA, you seriously think i like like like that guy i just met?!
prinncesxd: i'm sorry, i had to laugh at that one.
prinncesxd: well, that isn't the reason why.
prinncesxd: i still love you, the same way i did a month ago a week ago a few days ago, the same way i did when this relationship started and even more.
prinncesxd: and you haven't lost me, i'm still here. like i've been for the past 4 months. i just won't be yours. but it'll be fine.
prinncesxd: my love for you won't change
prinncesxd: .... for awhile. and you should know that.
krackin95: Right now, I don't know what to say to you. Cos I'm ballin' my eyes out.
prinncesxd: .. i'm sorry. that we lead eachother on this far. knowing that we couldn't hold onto eachother. as much as we wanted to.
krackin95: You were the best I ever had. But now your not ever going to be mine again.
krackin95: I shouldn't have ever leaded you on.
prinncesxd: actually, i somewhat will. don't forget that. i gave you most of me. and what you gave me, will last ... i probably shouldn't say this.. but, forever.
krackin95: That was the last chance to love you, and I scarewed up.
prinncesxd: it's not only youre fault. it's both of ours.
krackin95: It was mine. It was my fault for being a pussy and not telling you what was on my mind
krackin95: Your not ever going to be mine again.
prinncesxd: you KNOW it's both of our faults. stop blaming yourself.
prinncesxd: don't say never.
prinncesxd: not ever, is basically the same.
krackin95: How are you somewhat still going to be mine..?
prinncesxd: youre always going to be my first love. im always going to be here for you. we'll always be more than friends.
prinncesxd: well, i don't know about always. but as long as youre in my life.
prinncesxd: and that'll be a very long time.
krackin95: There's all these guys waiting for you. And it seemed like to wanted the finer things. An now there's your chance..
prinncesxd: ... none of them are better than you, to be honest.
prinncesxd: and don't disagree. that's my honest opinion.
krackin95: ...
prinncesxd: >_>
krackin95: But they'll take care of you more than I ever did.
prinncesxd: no, i know they won't.
krackin95: How?
prinncesxd: look how far we've went. no one has ever taken a relationship this far with me.
krackin95: I just want to be what I was before an aqquantence
prinncesxd: you are.
krackin95: But you'll farther ones than this in the future. And I won't be in you're future ever again, even if I wanted to.
prinncesxd: what do you mean by that ?
krackin95: Means I won't be in your future even if I wanted to since your moving far away.
prinncesxd: i'm not even sure about future plans, right now.
prinncesxd: so don't worry about that, or think that.
krackin95: I thought your suppose to be moving to San diego in the summer?
prinncesxd: you mean next next summer? um, not fully sure about it. emily and i want to stay here, but our dad doesn't
krackin95: Oh.
prinncesxd: hm, yeah.
krackin95: I don't think I'll ever find another girl as most as independent as you are.
krackin95: You have all The things a guy ever wants.
prinncesxd: i'm not -_-
prinncesxd: no.
krackin95: I'll be happy for the next guy that takes my spot.
prinncesxd: ....
krackin95: I'll tell him to take good care of you and to not let her slip away cos shes one of a kind
prinncesxd: not true, though
krackin95: Well that's from your point ofview
prinncesxd: >_>
krackin95: I don't think I'll ever find anyone that will love me the way you did.
prinncesxd: trust me, i feel the same way.
krackin95: You changed me from a player to a person that needs love. And once I found you I thought I had the love of my life. But soon to find out this was only temporary. But when I woke up to you that one morning I felt something i'd never Want to stop feeling.
krackin95: It felt so real, I thought I could taste it.
prinncesxd: ..
krackin95: But then we divided, and now I'm lost without you here. I just don't need you mentally, I need you physically. But I can't anymore.
prinncesxd: >.>
prinncesxd: please know that i'm feeling the same way you are. and that, i might even be having a harder time.
krackin95: I know.
krackin95: I had so many chances to show you that I could be better and show you love I had for you.but I wasn't to
krackin95: Much of a pussy to.
krackin95: Was*
prinncesxd: or maybe, i just exposed too much of myself too soon.
prinncesxd: you just weren't ready to. and that was fine.
krackin95: Cos I forced you.
prinncesxd: actually, no. you didn't.
krackin95: I told you I didn't want to take advantage of you.
prinncesxd: you know it, too.
prinncesxd: i know you did, and you didn't take advantage of me.
prinncesxd: I did this, NOT you. it was MY decision, and it's not YOUR fault.
krackin95: ...
krackin95: I just want you to get over me in the summer. So what we had wouldn't Hurt you anymore
prinncesxd: i will never fully get over you, and it'll always hurt me.
prinncesxd: but it's fine.
krackin95: I know I'll feel the same way
krackin95: Hey, why does my sweater smell like weed??
prinncesxd: no, it doesn't?
krackin95: It does. The guys smelt it. Then they were like "were you smoking a joint with the Negros?"
prinncesxd: wow, that's weird. i don't know, it was just sitting in my room for a few days. and no my room doesn't smell like weed.
krackin95: Oh.
krackin95: I thought it would come back smelling like you but then yeah
prinncesxd: sorry.
krackin95: It's ok.you kept my boxers, didn't you?!?!
prinncesxd: OH, haha yeah. i forgot about that.
krackin95: Oh ok. You can keep those. Cos if you gimme it back it might smell like coochie
prinncesxd: LOL, weird. i washed them. and i've only wore them once. but yeah, i'm keeping them.
krackin95: Ok
krackin95: I'll talk to you some other time. I have to go reminise about some things.
krackin95: Bye, Prinnces. Have fun with the single life.
prinncesxd: hm, okay. ttyl
A Stone Rose
enamour:
dearoldlove:
Sure I miss the kissing and the sex. But most of all, I miss being adored.
they’re great. aren’t they? -_-
“And I did love you, and I still do. Only I didn’t realize it was love, because...”
– Empire Records (via quotewhore) (via breathsoftruth) (via lovebot)
FUCKMYLIFE!
lovebot:
and for once in your life, you need to walk away and suffer the loneliness.. because you believe that one day in the far and distant future, you’ll be happy. and not so cracked and broken anymore. and you won’t cry anymore. and when you smile, it won’t be a façade- it will be real. and that empty heart-shaped black hole in your chest will slowly fade back to a healthy pink color. and...
“I’m doing fine. Just sometimes I think of you. Like when I roll over and...”
– lovebot:
overflowing: gatekeeper: (via dirtyprettys)
FUCK IT, AND FUCK YOU TOO.
“I’m all out of midnight phone calls and flowers sent to your door. I’m out of...”
– I wrote this for you (via quotewhore) (via breathsoftruth) (via lovebot)
cindyhuynh96: why didnt you come to school today?
prinncesxd: i had a headache, and i felt sick
cindyhuynh96: thats not what i heard
prinncesxd: what?
cindyhuynh96: kenneth was showing kirsten that you were crying
prinncesxd: showing?
cindyhuynh96: yeah with his hands
prinncesxd: OHH. yeeah....
cindyhuynh96: so... are you alright?
prinncesxd: yeah..
cindyhuynh96: I got into roseann's page the other day i don't why but i saw aj's comment... i'm wondering if you read it or not
prinncesxd: i did...
cindyhuynh96: oh are you frustrated about that?
prinncesxd: yeah, i guess
cindyhuynh96: im sorry
prinncesxd: it's okay
cindyhuynh96: isn't today supposed to be your special day?
prinncesxd: what special day?
cindyhuynh96: you and aj
prinncesxd: oh.... yeah..
cindyhuynh96: and you let pass it you like that?
prinncesxd: uh, yeah?
cindyhuynh96: how come relationships are so complicated?
prinncesxd: i have no idea, cindy.. i'm not even sure they're worth it
prinncesxd: .... especially at this age
“If she keeps doing these sort of things, then I’m leaving and never coming...”
– that’s nice to know…
staying home alone, 1:09pm
everyone’s at school. my dad & shawn went somewhere, so i’m home with only the puppy. kayrene’s at school, her dad’s at work. i ate a nutella sandwhich for breakfast. texted aj happy four months, also texted kirsten bella janice carlos since they asked why i didn’t come to school. honestly, i was too stressed. i’m going to do make up work at home since i...
everything's going down the drain, reminds me of... →
a part of me wants to beg, and the other part just wants to let things flow
back to school, 4:32pm
it was stressful, and tiring. barely did any work, even though i tried my hardest to catch up. i’m going to have a hard time this week, with all that make up work. bella, janice, skylar & kirsten ran up to me and greeted me this morning. saw everyone else & got hugs. so before 4th period, someone hugged me and picked me up >_> how awkward! rest of the day = boring. aj & i...
vacation to florida.
they rented a nice house, 6 bedrooms 4 bathroooms the house is big & there’s a pool in the backyard. day 1 - got there, stayed home. just talked on the phone. day 2 - magic kingdom. went on a few rides, late night phone calls were the best! day 3 - hollywood studios. emily and kiana dropped my camera, it broke. good thing we have warranty on it. return it once get back to seattle. sell...
“When it comes to relationships, people are always so scared of the what-if’s...”
– Unknown
“I’m doing fine. Just sometimes I think of you. Like when I roll over and...”
– enamour
last blog for awhile, 4:35pm
i’ll be gone for a week. not sure if there’s going to be a computer there. but i’ll try blogging from emily’s phone. i don’t know how i’ll keep up with the people i’m following on here, though. everyone was freaking out today, blowing everything out of proportion. gray contacts; new camera; leaving for vacation tomorrow. can life get any better? yes, if i...
silly goose, 5:41pm
lemme update ya’. life in general, is fine. just too many changes in so little time, vacation in 2 days; moving to shoreline; transportation and finding a ride everywhere is tough; death in the family; school is always stressful for me. alejandro and i are doing great, at the moment. a week without him will be tough, but i just need to deal with it. ahah, i can put my contacts on now! in...
IF THERE IS ONE THING I HAVE LEARNED
enamour:
ventisette:
It’s that you can tell your heart a million times how to feel, but at the end of it all, it’s going to do whatever it pleases and the best you can do is embrace that.
“It’s overused. It’s a cliché. It’s corny. It’s just a line. It’s illogical. It’s...”
– (via daqueenbee) (via enamour)
might as well, 10:45pm
.. blog about my day, while i’m on a computer. probably won’t get to use to computer at home, cos it’s way past my bed time! during school, i was really quiet. at lunch, i got caught texting emily outside. stupid ms lutz told me to hand over my phone, i told her i was texting my sister. she said it was fine, but i have to give her it after. but once we started walking inside...
April 2009
73 posts
“I don’t just want your heart. I want your flesh, your skin and blood and bones,...”
– Isobel Thrilling (via victoryblues)(via spunkfairy) (via delacroix) (via skysignal) (via lovebot)
i'd like to tell you about my day, 3:33pm
morning -very awkward. aj and i are somewhat back to normal? brandon, + carey were telling me about what he said and what not. i don’t want our relationship to be based on revenge, that’s dumb. “just friends and secret lovers. cos those were the best moments” ? -.- no, i don’t do friends with benefits. and if you don’t want to be in a relationship with me,...
“I have often wondered who—who could love you the way I do?”
– Call Me When You Get This by Corinne Bailey Rae (via lyricallysomething) (via kari-shma) (via lovebot)
Prinnces: So tell me, what're you thinking of doing?
Alejandro: Um, whoever said i was thinking?
Prinnces: Well, youre getting tired of all this bullshit i'm bringing you. I think it was pretty obvious.
Alejandro: Ok. So.
Prinnces: .... Wow, um. Okay. So youre just going to let everything just go on from how things are now?
Alejandro: Idk. Since he makes you feel special or whatever. So i'll just have to live with it.
Prinnces: Um, there's a reason why i kept asking you if you were okay earlier today. You ended up taking advantage of that. And flipped everything on me
Alejandro: I guess, doesn't matter anymore. Cos hes basically doing what i did to you and jamie.
Prinnces: Seriously? Youre doing me dirty too. And no, he isn't stealing me away from you.
Alejandro: What am i doing?
Prinnces: I specifically asked if there was anything wrong. Instead of telling me, you just went on and tried to make me jealous.
Alejandro: Yeah, two can play this game. And plus, i barely talk to khristina. I bet you talk to emer more than me. Thats why hes taking you away.
Prinnces: Okay. But you KNOW that i don't like it when you talk to her. Yet did i know you didn't want me to talk to emer? No. We broke up twice, somewhat because of her. And you thought that putting her so high on your top wouldn't have made me furious? And no, actually. Him and i don't talk as much as we do. And i'm sorry i don't like him the way you think i do. And that i won't let him take me away from you.
Alejandro: Whatever. I dont want to hear the "i'm sorrys" im tired of the apologies. Just leave me like you wanted to a long time ago...
Prinnces: Wtf. I'm not the one who's tired of this. I'm the one who always came running back to you. And you know what? You don't have to take those apologies then. Since you obviously don't care about what i say. And that you don't believe me. So don't ever tell me to leave you like you think i've been wanting to. Cos if i really did wanna leave you, i would've been gone by now. And you know it.
Alejandro: You think i dont care what you say? Then why does it hurt? If you think i dont care what you say, then why are you still here trying to hold us together?
Prinnces: Cos i still have hope for us... And unlike you, i'm not going to give up at all.
Alejandro: If you really had hope then why did you go flirt with some other guy? Fine, keep assuming that i give all this effort and time up.
Prinnces: Wow, i was flirting with him? At least i don't talk to other guys and their body parts around the person i'm in a relationship with. And there you go again, letting me think whatever. If you weren't giving up, you'd try to keep me here.
Alejandro: You mean girls body parts? And when did i talk about other girls body parts? How am i suppose to keep you here when some nigga from your past shows up?
Prinnces: Like at lunch. I kept turning away from you cos you did. And so what? You'd tell me that it's bothering you. You'd tell me exactly how you feel instead of just trying to prove a fuckin point.
Alejandro: WTF, we were just..agh, fine. Whatever. Just talk to whatever guy you want since it makes you fuckin' happy.
Prinnces: Stop... Wth... I said i'd do anything to make this relationship work. I'll stop talking to him from now on. I don't get why you aren't putting any effort into this relationship anymore..
Alejandro: Cos you stopped putting effort into it. So there would be no point. So i was like fuck it then. You dont even know how..nevermind.
Prinnces: Know how, what?
Alejandro: Nevermind.
Prinnces: Are you busy? I'm thinking of calling you. It's be much easier to explain things. Youre really making this difficult..
Alejandro: I dont feel like talking on the phone.
Prinnces: Wow... Well, i gues. I'l just keep texting you then. You think i haven't put any effort into this relationship? Well, what do you call.. Me giving up an opportunity to move to san diego just to stay near seattle to be with you. Me texting you even after you broke up with me, just so i could get you back. Me basically looking pathetic and begging for you back. Me hitting you up cos i think there's something wrong. Me caring and asking how you feel. Me making sure you feel pleased. What the fuck do you call that, aj?
Alejandro: I never asked you to stay here. You couldve just went. And plus you didnt tell me you were moving until last minute. You tell your boyfriend last minute?
Prinnces: I didn't even know until then! I know you never asked. But i wanted to..
Alejandro: I dont know why you still stayed here when we were just going to break up during the summer. Plus, i can tell your getting tired of me and my crappy attitude.
Prinnces: I have another year. And if we were really really really going to last longer, i would stay here and not move. And no, i'm not getting tired of it. I just dislike the fact you've stopped trying.
Alejandro: I dont know whats the point of trying when your girl is flirting and talking to other guys about your problems when you should be running to your man. I find it hard to be in relationships during the summer and when the two people are far away from eachother.
Prinnces: I'd be willing to do anything to stay with you. Even if that meant living with my mom.
Alejandro: Ha, yeah right.
Prinnces: Wth. Why would i lie about that..
Alejandro: Cos i knew once you got out of that house you never wanted to go back.
Prinnces: Okay, but i'm here now. And i'd suffer just to be with you. So tell me, what do you want to do now.. ?
Alejandro: No, your not going to do that. You dont need me as much as family and friends. I dont know, i need to sleep on this bullshit.
Prinnces: Bullshit? Is that all this was to you? I'm sorry i couldn't please you... And that i gave up so much just trying. Goodnight. And i love you. Even though that may not make a difference.
Alejandro: Omg, you take things too seriously. Bullshit as in things. Calm down. Fine, goodnight. I love you too.
not another one of those "i'm sorry's...."
I’m sorry i can’t help but to be jealous. I’m sorry emer was fifth on my top, even though he really isn’t that important to me. I’m sorry you decided to be rebellious and try going with ‘two could play that game’. I’m sorry that it might bother you that he’s on my top, period. I’m sorry that her being on your top bothers me. I’m...
Today, went to eat at Toyoda Sushi. then target to buy stuff. i guess i’m sleeping at my mom’s house tomorrow since i don’t feel like riding three buses by myself to get back to shoreline. my dad says my bedtime is 11, sucks dick right? hm, i’m going to bed soon anyways since there’s nothing to do. texting aj :] what a dork.. hahah, yup. bye / 10:17pm
had a very rough week, and it’s going to continue tomorrow. i’m seriously having problems with transportation afterschool. i might move again, unfortunately.. everything in my life right now, is temporary. emily just texted me, “so stay at shoreline for as long as you want. and if before june, you wanna leave we’ll move. to west seattle, kiana’s. then move into an...
how much change can i handle,
a lot. but just not too much, -_- i moved out of my mother’s house and into my dad’s/siblings’ house in shoreline. couldn’t deal with living at my mom’s house. too stressful, bad environment. family problems. and even relationship problems… we broke up for a couple of hours because future distance. my father told me we were all moving to san diego, i convinced...
“I don’t want someone to fight for me just because they’re about to...”
– enamour:
(via letterboxlove)
today was greeeeat! took a 30 minute nap during the wasl, i tried finishing asap. i broke down in 4th period, stupid people kept talking to me about stuff that i tried to avoid. i spent time afterschool with people esp. paolo mahki brandon cheryl april & then benefit with aj, his friend jerry and kenneth. aj wants to meet my mom? HAH, that’s going to be a “never” ..he can...
well thanks to the people who ‘liked’ & ‘reblogged’ the blog i wrote yesterday - “sorry, i love you the way you don’t love me” ahah, a lot of people have read it :] anyways, we worked things out like always. but i still think the crying was worth it. i added a link so that you could now comment any of my posts. “0 comments” change ittttt /...
sorry, i love you the way you don't love me.
i’m sorry i just happened to be one of those girls who aren’t indpendent & who bring you all that bullshit :/ i’m sorry, i’m not perfect. i’m sorry, about last night. i’m sorry about all of a burden i’ve been to you. i’m sorry i can’t be as pretty/bomb as other girls. i’m sorry i’m emotional and that i can’t turn back to...
“In order to move on, you must understand why you felt what you did and why you...”
– The Five People You Meet In Heaven. (via andreamichelle) (via quote-book)
they were right, i couldn't have controlled it
i’m still at april’s house . her party yesterday was alright . locked in a room with aj ? that’s a big no no . didn’t do anything with him though . lots of people slept here . played dare . boring , much ? nothing really big happened. but …. i don’t know , everything was a blur . didn’t know what to do . regrets ? not really , just thought...
